I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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