Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize