You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize