Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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