I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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