New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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