i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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