she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
