At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
