Ketchup is God's man juice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
