Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
