Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
