You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
