So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
