So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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