The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
