Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
