Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
