Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
