Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
