I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize