i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
