Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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