I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
don't judge my taste in strippers
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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