You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
