Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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