forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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