Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
