Banned from zoo.
Again?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
