who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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