I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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