No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
