according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
