My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
