If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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