guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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