Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
