Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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