It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
