I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
