if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
