Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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