If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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