i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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