The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
