a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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