so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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