omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
