Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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