Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
