I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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