Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
