My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
