well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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