If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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