I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
