i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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