Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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