he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize